Read the extract again from our guided session and write what happens next.

I would like you to imitate Alan Garner’s style and his use of powerful verbs and adjectives.

This assignment needs to be approximately three hundred words.

WAGOLL

As the trolls crawled out the ground like ants coming out a nest, Colin and Susan were terrified. They whispered to each other in hushed voices and surrounded them. Some of them were white with blood red eyes and some were pale grey. Each one a different shape or size and some were holding wooden clubs made from the trees. all of them showed a display of blood thirsty, razor sharp teeth. One of the biggest ones was holding a big wooden club and stepped forward to the children. He raised the club in the air and struck it down with great force. Both children were now nocked out and being dragged down the holes into the dark, gloomy unknown.

When Susan and Colin finally woke up they were being carried on the backs of the trolls through a big underground tunnel that lead into more blackness. “Were are we being taken?” Asked Susan. The troll that was carrying her did not answer her but only grunted. “WERE ARE WE BEING TAKEN!” Shouted Susan one more time and this time she got an answer. It was a little troll at the back of the line that said “you are being taken to the master.” Colin then said “and who is this ‘master’ of yours.” Non of the trolls spoke. The hole they were traveling through was deep underground because there was lots of different types of rocks and minerals they were passing.

As they finally came out of the long winding tunnels, they turned into a whole underground city full of trolls! In front of them was a big stone temple. “That is where the master must be”, exclaimed Colin. As they passed through the big stone doors of the temple, they finally saw ‘the master’………

Terror engraved upon their faces, eyes glistening with fear, Colin and Sue were surrounded; not only by the outlandish creatures, who had a superior look on their faces, but by the feeling of immense horror.

Being gripped by a rising panic, Sue buried her head into Colin’s shoulder, begging for dear life. Piercing their ears, the shrill rasping screech of the raven echoed from above yet again. In that next split second, the grotesque beasts, streaming towards Colin and Sue in droves whipped their vile, ghastly heads around as the pounding of the gong seemed to tremble beneath their feet once more. In an abnormal stupor the nightmarish creatures sauntered away from Colin and Sue and towards the shadows of the beech wood. Astonished by their luck, Colin and Sue drew deep breaths of and tried to take in what had just happened.

Out of the blue, a man, with a thin wiry body, and an extremely queer assortment of clothes approached them on velvet feet, wearing a vague smile, he stood before them…

Lovely use of adverbials Alex.

Gripped with fear, Susan collapsed to the floor leaving Colin no choice but to flee from the hundreds of slime boggling creatures by climbing up a crooked tree. The tree was ancient and crumbling, which gave Colin no grip but he continued to scramble to the top.
Arriving at the top of the tree, Colin had an extensive view of Stormy Point. Drowned in his thoughts, Colin started to worry about Susan. What if the creatures were going to take her and maybe make her into one of them?
As Colin started to panic his mouth went as dry as a desert. That’s when he remembered that he had a water bottle in his ruck sack. Putting the bottle to his mouth, his hands began to shake and this left drops of water falling down from the tree.
Suddenly, a piercing screech filled the dell, bouncing off tree to tree. One of the creatures melted down to the floor and became no more than a big blob of slime. This gave Colin an idea. Pouring roughly, he tried to scatter the water over the other creatures below who were around Susan. Seeing this, the others began to flee back over the crest of the grassy velvet hill.
Finally, Susan awoke and Colin clambered back down the old tree to see if she was okay. Susan had a head injury which made her dizzy and faint. Lifting her from the damp ground, Colin put his arm around Susan and led her back to the farmhouse for safety, watching all the time for the little creatures.
Swooping viciously down from the eerie hillside, the black feathered crow had come back for revenge. Colin and Susan did not see the crow as it camouflaged into the dark night sky. What would happen to Susan and Colin?…

I am so pleased Harry to see successful ideas from your class work appearing in other pieces eg: fleeing, extensive view….

This is an excellent piece of work that mimics Garner’s style. Well done. Prize Box!

Susan and Colin had been gone for far too long so Gowther had bestowed it upon herself to go and search for them. Susan and Colin had been staying at their aunt’s house for a fortnight and tonight they had decided to go missing. Surprisingly, whilst Gowther was searching, she heard two shrieks that sounded familiar. She rushed over to the place that the usually fearsome twosome were being cornered. Gowther, grabbing the nearest stick, slid down the hill and raced over to Susan and Colin and started to whack the herd of mindless brutes also taking their heads off in the process.

Just as Susan and Colin were thanking Gowther, another herd of outlandish figures came scuttling out of Devil’s Grave but this time there were twice as many. The quivering three had just made a scramble for it but the mindless brutes were faster. They had taken the lot, kicking, screaming and all, down to their base for dinner. Now, Susan, Colin and Gowther didn’t like being stewed for dinner so they quickly hatched a plan. Murmuring together, Colin said “Why don’t we try and slip out of these ropes by loosening our bodies and escape while they are trying to decide what to have for dessert.”

“Yes, but then we will fall out of the frying pan and into the fire won’t we?” Susan pitched in. ”No, no, no! You’re both wrong. I feel that what we should do is you two distract those stupid things and, because I never come without my pocket knife, I can cut the rope, but we will have to swing sideways if we want to get out or we ARE going to get cooked for dinner,” Gowther told them. “Yes I think that that will work but I don’t want to get fried!” winced Susan. “Same here but we will have to run fast or we’re going to end up roasted.” replied Colin.

A super descriptive piece of writing Oliver. Great use of powerful verbs and adjectives. Flooded with fronted adverbials. Great work. Prize Box.

The two groups of bald pursuers inched towards the children, their marches in time with the distant gong. Above their heads the squawking crows were circling, like an eagle above its prey. Silently, a few matted, black feathers floated down from the cloud of birds and landed at the children’s feet.
“P..p..p..please…please don’t hurt us,” Colin stammered, with Susan clinging to his sleeve.
There was a single pursuer that stood out from all the others,due to its long nose, which it used to barge its way to the front of the crowd.
“Wheres is it you is wantings to goes?,” the creature whined in a nasal voice.
Colin and Susan stared at the creature in confusion, as it took them a second to work out what it was saying.
“We just … want…to …go home,” Colin informed them, this time sounding more confident, with his arm protectively around Susan.
The creatures glanced at each other, formed a huddle and began to chatter quickly and piercingly.
During this discussion, Colin and Susan saw a blinding light and covered their eyes. An immense, golden eagle swooped above with dagger-like claws and a hooked beak. Gawping at this mythical creature, the children’s jaws dropped as they tried to work out what it could be. They were frozen to the spot in fear, yet still admiring its beauty.
The eagle dropped down and gripped Susan’s shoulders in its powerful claws. Colin hung by his shirt in its beak.
“Keep hold, Sue! It’d be a huge drop if you fell,” shouted Colin as they swayed from side to side high above the earth.
The creatures down below gazed up at the sight above them, blinking in fury. The children watched as their pursuers scattered in all directions, disappearing into caves and tree holes.
“I hope he’s taking us to safety,” Susan whispered, just having found her voice.
” I trust he knows where he is going, Sue,” Colin responded, confidently.
“We’ve escaped! Home we go,” the children shouted in unison.

Freya, it is lovely to see you using similar language choices to Alan Garner eg: pursuers. You have also integrated your dialogue to convey character. A super piece of writing with elements of greater depth. Well done.